FAQ: Asks, Answering and Moderators

Why haven’t you answered my ask?

For one of several reasons:

  • Your ask is hateful, misgendering or hurtful. I have an immediate-delete-and-block-without-response policy for any such content. I don’t tolerate or respond to hate or disrespect.
  • Your ask is edging towards discourse. I don’t hide the fact that I have no patience for allosexist hate and want ace-spec and aro-spec folks to be as safe in this stimming space as anywhere else. I do not have to justify this to a stranger in my inbox.
  • You are rude or demanding. I prefer to prioritise polite askers.
  • You’re asking questions I’ve covered in this FAQ.
  • You’ve sent me an anon ask asking why I haven’t responded to your ask.
  • You’ve sent your request ask (as in a request that I provide information, advice or resources for you) as a submission or fanmail when the askbox is closed. Do not try and circumvent the closing of the askbox this way.
  • I’ve gotten distracted by other asks/posts/my writing/real life and forgot about it. I’m autistic; executive dysfunction is part of the diagnosis.
  • You’ve sent me an ask requiring me to Google for you stim toys relating to a certain theme or colour despite my saying that I no longer take these sorts of request asks.
  • You’ve sent me an incredibly flattering comment and I don’t quite know how to handle it, but by the time I figured it out I’ve gotten distracted by something else.
  • I have more than fifty asks in my inbox and I just haven’t gotten around to it yet.
  • Your ask requires of me more spoons than I have.

In the majority of cases, because most of this blog’s followers are fabulous people, the last three will be the reason why your ask hasn’t been answered.

How do you prioritise your asks?

Asks I answer more quickly tend to be:

  • Relating to a topic we’re currently discussing that day.
  • Easy for me to answer as regards physical or mental spoons.
  • Not requiring much in the way of extra research, fact checking, evaluation, photographs taken or described, or formatting.
  • Relating to a topic I know more about and can answer comfortably and confidently.
  • A situation where the asker has indicated some sort of time issue.
  • A situation where I judge that the asker needs a response as soon as possible, for their reassurance, safety or mental health.
  • Sales and safety advisories.

In other words, I answer asks as it suits me to answer them. The more asks I get, the more impractical it becomes to answer asks in order, as much as that seems like the objectively fair way to go about it. It’s not fair on the people whose asks wait longest, but it’s not fair that I’m trying to run a busy blog with chronic pain, either. How about we both take it up with the universe?

Why don’t you just get another mod or mods to answer asks?

I understand where this is coming from: you want your asks answered, and it seems that the obvious answer is to get someone else to do it. I cannot, though, promise that everyone will get an answer. I didn’t start this blog to answer people’s questions; I began it as a place to archive information and post my own reviews. It just seems to have come about that people like my approach to talking about stim toys and think I can be helpful in collecting and providing information. That it happened is a good and amazing thing, but I hope you’ll understand that this is something I like doing and like doing myself, and I’m not sure I’d be comfortable sharing it.

Additionally, I put hours each day into this blog (including hours of formatting, HTML coding and other behind-the-curtain tasks followers don’t see) and the answering of asks, and finding another mod who is willing to volunteer that kind of time to provide something that is as hard and time-consuming as a full-time job is both unlikely and unfair. Trying to find that person, including talking to prospective mods and training them on how we do things, is also a lot of additional work for me. So far, the bringing on of fellow mods hasn’t resulted in that much less work as the admin of this blog, and I haven’t been able to keep any mod for long enough to make a difference to my work.

I’d like to be a mod!

Unfortunately, I haven’t had a good experience with mods being able to keep up with the work required. I’ve gone back to being a one-mod blog and finding other ways to cut back on my work here. Thanks for your interest!

Can I request a review for [name or category of stim toy]?

Absolutely. I’ll check our posts, drafts and queue to see if it has been covered already, although I’d appreciate it if you’d first check the tags pages and run a blog search. If neither of us can find anything, I’ll ask to see if any of our lovely followers have reviewed or are willing to review this item for us.